That Kiss
by Miss Lavender Sky
Summary: Chuck is left alone to figure out what his night with Blair after Victrola meant to him.


**A/N: This is just a short little one about Chuck and how he feels after he and Blair are together for the first time, after she and Nate break up. It's after the Victor/Victrola episode. I don't own Gossip Girl or the song [The Courteeners]. By the way, I really suggest listening to the song- it's amazing!!!**

"The way that you looked at him and then you looked at me.

You must think that I'm proper blind, proper blind not to see,

That I was just a stop-gap sitting somewhere in between his hand and his lap.

Let me tell you that I wasn't born yesterday, my dear.

That kiss, it lasted too long,

And we probably shouldn't have danced to that song.

It was nothing, it was everything.

It's really such a shame it's so hard to explain to you.

…

If he only knew what you thought, the lust, the lack of trust, the temptations you fought.

He is worthless, the man simply flouts.

And he's just a passing fashion and he's on his way out.

That kiss, it lasted too long, and we probably shouldn't have danced to that song.

It was nothing, it was everything.

It's really such a shame it's so hard to explain to you.

I knew that I shouldn't, but I enjoyed it.

I knew that I shouldn't, but I enjoyed it.

I knew that I shouldn't, but I enjoyed it.

…

That kiss, it lasted too long,

And we probably shouldn't have danced to that song.

It was nothing, it was absolutely everything.

It's really such a shame it's so hard to explain to you."

-The Courteeners, "That Kiss"

Chuck sat in the back of the limo, desperately trying to erase the memory of what had just happened. It was wrong, all of it. It was wrong.

He shouldn't have done it. This was Blair, _Nate's_ girlfriend. Not his. He couldn't do this to Nate, he couldn't keep this up. It was wrong. It was wrong to hurt him like this. He needed to forget about it all. He needed to pretend that it had never happened, just like he did with all of the other girls. It was just one night. One night against an endless stretch of similar nights.

But it wasn't just one night. Not to him. He could barely believe it, but she had come to him. She had come to him, and the night had ended in a way that he could never possibly have imagined, as much as he'd wanted to.

He couldn't remember the last time he didn't think of her like this, like the girl he wanted, kept away by his best friend. He couldn't remember the last time he was able to look at her without feeling the butterflies in his chest- those stupid butterflies.

All this time, he'd watched. Watched as she would try to be content with her life with Nate, watched as she realized she could never be. He watched while she struggled with the safe and comforting, watched while she longed for something for more. And last night, he watched as she finally made the choice between the old and the new, the good and the better.

He'd seen her these past few months, already unable to be happy with Nate. She would look at Nate, seeming content enough, but then her eyes would meet Chuck's and they lit up. But she would always quickly look away, and when she looked back at Nate, she always seemed a little less happy with her choice.

But for her, she could never make the choice. For her, there never was a choice. With Nate, she was safe, secure, respected. She had the life she'd always wanted. It was all perfect for her with him. With Chuck, she could never count on what she would get. She knew him well enough to know that he was not reliable, that he was not a boyfriend, that he was not what she needed.

But she was what he needed. He couldn't stop the thought from repeating through his mind all night.

His mind floated back to Nate, and the life she had with him. It was all wrong for her. She wasn't good for that, for settling. Nate was a good guy, but he wasn't for her. He'd watched the two of them throughout the years, and he knew that they were wrong for each other. Nate was just a rule-follower. He did what was expected. He did what was right. And that was what Blair wanted- what she thought she wanted.

But she didn't really want that. He saw her struggle when she was with Nate, saw how much her feelings for him wavered. She wanted to leave him, but she was afraid to.

But finally she had seen the chance to escape and had taken it.

It was still wrong. All of it was wrong. Even if she wasn't with Nate, she couldn't be with him. He couldn't do that to his best friend- and he knew she couldn't either. Neither of them could hurt Nate with this.

The whole night was a mistake. When she showed up without him, Chuck should've just sent her home. He shouldn't have let her come inside; he shouldn't have let her stay. He shouldn't have let himself be alone with him when Nate suddenly seemed so far away.

The dance…When she got up there, he really couldn't even think straight. It was so unlike her that it shocked him. She had always been safe, like Nate. But now, I seemed like she was playing on the edge, like him. He felt himself falling in love with her right there, even more so than before.

The kiss…When they were finished, he should have sent her in another limo, or stayed behind while the limo dropped her off. He shouldn't have gone with her. Because after that night, the temptation was too high. She had kissed him first- and it had used all his restraint not to be the first one. But when she kissed him, he couldn't help it. It was the best feeling in the world, collided with the worst mistake he'd ever made. He couldn't understand it. All he knew was that he wanted it to keep on going, continuing on into forever.

He shuddered at how wrong that thought was. He shouldn't be like this. He shouldn't have _liked_ stealing Nate's girlfriend, not when he hadn't done anything to warrant such a thing. Sure, they had been broken up, but for what- an hour? And what was the likelihood that they would get back together? They would've gotten back together. He might as well have stolen her away.

Why couldn't it have been no big deal to him? Why couldn't she have been like the other girls? Sure, Nate would have been mad at him, but he'd get over it. That was how Nate was. He couldn't stay mad. Then the three of them could've left this thing in the past, and that would've been that.

But it wasn't nothing. For him, in that moment, it was everything. It was the girl he'd wanted for so long, coming alive, seeing him, and finally choosing him. There was no way he could go back from that. He couldn't just leave it alone anymore. He would fight for her. Because he had to. And that Nate would have a hard time with. And blair would have to decide. And he would have to sit and watch while she tried to decide again- only this time much harder, because she had already, for one night, chosen him. If he had lost her after that, he wasn't sure how long he could take it.

And as much as he wanted Blair to go back to Nate and make this whole mess- this whole mistake- go away, he wanted her to come back to him so much more. Because she _did_ need him, just like he needed her.


End file.
